This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
