I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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