when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
