If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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