Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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