Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
