theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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