I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
