You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
