I think my vagina is haunted
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
