I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
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The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
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Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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