Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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