Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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