Me. At least after what I've been through.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
