Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Randomize
