Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
