Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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