Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
