i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
