I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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