i wish peter jackson would direct porn
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
