addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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