Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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