I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
