She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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