He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
