I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
