Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
