maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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