Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
