i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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