I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
