i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
