is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
