it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
