why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
