i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize