She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
