I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize