apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
