I cannot find my penis.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
