Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
