I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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