It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
