I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
