If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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