I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
A+ Viking dick
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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