shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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