So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
