I murdered the dance floor call the cops
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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