I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
