Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
