Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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