I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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