dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
