My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
