so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
