dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
