I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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