remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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