My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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