i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
