I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
