remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
