It's Friday. Sex?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
