I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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