I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
