What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
