worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
