I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
