We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
